At the age of 22. What did you do?

Here I’m again. Trying to keep myself in shape. And loves myself even more. Lately I’ve been taking care of my grandma. She’s having a minor stroke which paralyse the left part of her body. As you might have known. I also taking care of my brother whom is autism. Despite of this. Taking care both of them at one time are quite challenging. Until there’s one point I could feel myself crying and keep asking. At the age of 22. What did you do? I hardly asked money or even hanging out with my friends regularly. But that’s not that. I just need someone to least appriciate my little works. My work might not as perfectly done as every housewives out there. I know. That I’m not good at keep things in order. If I do three things in a time. I might left one undone, one settle down and another one half way. Taking care autism and a paralysed old woman is just another thing. You need to be patience. At the highest level. And here I am again. Comparing myself to other people of my age. What did they do? My parents won’t let me work. They wanted me to work in my field. So I said. Things are complicated nowadays. Especially when my major was in engineering. A girl? Engineering? Agriculture? Mechanical? Hah. Tell me which company would want me working with them. The fact that I’m sick would make it even worst.

The reason why I’m telling you this. Or if you might read this. I am stressful. I keep comparing myself with other people. I cry often. I lose my weight. I always feel tired. I don’t feel myself anymore. I don’t like doing my hobbies. Which is cooking. If you might notice. I don’t share my recipe anymore. I sleep more. Often felt headache. I don’t feel like eating. I don’t feel like people loves me. I feel worthless. And I wanted to do is keep on crying.

I don’t know. I always think that people might put blame on me. They said I think too much. They said I overreacting. That is the reason why I just let my mouth shut. And showing to people how happy I am. But deep down. It killing me. I’m afraid that people would think I’m insane. I’m scared that people don’t trust me.

Please. Help me.

Sometimes I feel like I need to end this.
You know what I meant don’t you?


Am I okay?


I am tired
I want me
I need me

They said I think too much. So what if you sit in my shoes? What would you do then?